I Am Jonathan! By Ogundana Michael

You believe you know so much about me, but the truth is- you have no idea!

Most times I laugh at you whenever I quietly log on to any of the social networking sites to read one or two things you all write and say about me based on my actions in government.

Some of you write so much about me as if you were my mother.

It’s so funny the way of you talk about me as if you have an idea of who I am. But you don’t! The very few things you know about me are the lies you read over the internet especially through the social media.

On a good day, you`re meant to pay for this information am about to give you, but don’t worry, as your ‘oga at the top’, I will give you this for free. But if I must do this again it will attract some fees.

Whenever I visit facebook the first wall I visit is that of Mallam Nasir Ahmad El-Rufai. I wonder if that guy has anything he`s thinking other than to stay glued to his facebook account. He hardly has any statements credited to himself. He will however post any piece both nice and jargons written by others on his wall.

When I visit twitter, of course you know whose timeline I will visit, that boy called Omojuwa. He is a trouble maker! I really don’t like to see him write anything about me on his timeline. Well no shaking, that was why I hired an attack dog to always bark at him. But the truth is- now I might need a bigger dog to do the job for me because it seems my attack dog isn’t barking loud enough at him.

Well, I was on my own ‘jejeli’ lecturing my students, doing my job when you called me to be the deputy governor of the state. Like that was not enough; you removed a sitting governor in 2005 only to tell me to become the governor of a state that I didn’t plan to rule.

After acceptance, it was my intention to complete that assignment then return to class as a lecturer. But you guys didn’t allow me.

In 2007, I was still on the job leading my state while you were busy shouting again that you need me to be your vice president. Just because I love you so much, I cherish my country so dearly and wouldn’t like to turn down your request, I accepted to become your vice president and there will go.

Hmmm, am I the only one?

I was patiently doing my job as the vice president and there you go again; Come and become our president! Come and become our president! Come and become our President! We are begging you.

Common guys, you just don’t usually give me the opportunity to decide if I will be contesting or not. You only sleep, wake up and come up with the plan without informing me ahead. Why?

I accepted to be your President because your pleas were too much and I didn’t want to be seen as a proud man.

Have been presiding over you since 2010 and I’ve been in the business of you begging me to be your leader all my life.

Presently, some people on the guise of Transformation Ambassadors of Nigeria have collected millions of signatures, and are again begging me to contest as your President in 2015. Na who send them?

Also, your number one students’ organization is also claiming the whole Nigerian Students are begging me to contest in 2015. Imagine! Why will they beg me? What have I done for the Nigerian students all these years to deserve their votes?

Haba, fellow Nigerians, there is God oh, the breathing space that you`re not giving me, the decision to contest that you`re not allowing me to make, God is watching you!

Most of you actually think I am sluggish, some believe am just too gentle while others feel am pretty clueless. Well it isn`t your fault, you want a leader that will kill you all before you believe that he`s active. For me I am innocent; though I might cherish oil but I don’t waste blood.

Just for the record; I will tell you little about me, and don’t say I didn’t tell you.

I am not clueless, in fact I have too many clues than you could ever imagine.

Am not gentle, neither am I sluggish as you perceived. I am just waiting to take my third time oath as the President before I show you my true colour.

Moreover, don’t you ever think people beg me to contest! Stay there, I pay them to beg me.

Oh, you really thought those awards from your number one student`s body were given to me and my wife because of our good works? Oh no sorry for you, that Gbadeboy got the reward for that.

Forget that story you heard, watched and read about me, claiming that I was once shoeless. That was a big lie I was never shoeless, I just didn’t have enough shoes and I never remembered going bare footed to school.

Just as you already heard, I have been adopted by my party for 2015 Presidential Election by right of first refusal. Do not also think that was by error, they all got their share of the national cake!

At the end you would have realized that I am Jonathan and I am a mastermind!

God Bless Nigeria!

Ogundana Michael Rotimi

Follow Me On Twitter @MickeySunny